A disillusioned state of mind? Or is the world really one sick twisted mess with headlights blinding your vision, with harsh screams aimed at intimidating you, unruly demeanour, wild accusations and a gazillion lies. Ever so often we get caught up in the frenzy of pretense, only to find ourselves torn between sanity and impressions. We creep into our beds, snuggle underneath the warmth of our blankets, (not the warmth of a human being) , try to immerse ourselves in fiction with those rosy endings, drenching our pillows with tears and occasionally blood, and maybe..just maybe fall into a slumber so deep with the silent hope that tomorrow never comes. who have we become? reflection from the mirror confirms the face of a sad stranger. overshadowed by her past, present and haunted future. yet there are days, where you gaze intently into the mirror, and you see a glimpse of hope trying to fight the odds. some days, it fades into the background, in fear.
Reluctantly, you step out into broad daylight, and the only sunny spirit is the sun. you force yourself to smile politely at people you've never set your eyes upon. they stare at you with a glint of rejection in their eyes. you walk along, head up, confident as you sprayed a cloud of your 'poise' fragrance. you leave behind a trail of scent. either they will remember the genuinely sweet scent, or they'll scoff and make remarks over the brat who sprays versace. preferably the former. realistically, the latter. quoting one of my favourite songs of all time : Coldplay's Fix You.
"and the tears come streaming down your face, when you leave something you can't replace, when you love someone but it goes to waste, could it be worse?......"
If you look for truth, you might as well be blind? If you seek for loyalty, the world guarantees you betrayal? Wearing your heart on your sleeve, and a fellow human rips it off? To give or not to give? To give and not receive at all? To cherish, but be forgotten? To promise, but given a string of broken words? To go all the way for what your soul yearns for, but having it tattered instead?
Questions, questions, questions. See, I have all the time to shoot them out. There is no willingness to response. Will i suffocate for i have failed to comprehend what is essential for composure, strength and breath? Does it even matter?
I guess this is where we part ways. This is not goodbye. It is a simple hello, since we have met, but you never paid a visit into my home. My heart....
